Lost Love
by Strawberry Angel
Summary: They say it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all but he isn't going to let that stand in his way
1. Chapter 1

Hi everyone. Now I know this isn't Chapter 2 of RW3 but it was something that came to me and I wanted

to write. I guess this is one of those "I'm Writing It For Me Stories". So if you read it, okay,

I hope you liked it. And if you don't like than I'm sorry, but I like it so that means a little

bit more to me. I think it's nice to like what you're posting on the site. If you don't like, no

amount of reviews are gonna change how you feel about it. But that's just my opinion. I don't own

the show, if I did, I'd have alot more money than I have right now.  
  
  
  


Lost Love

By: Strawberry Angel  
  
  
  
  
  


He couldn't believe he was doing this. It was crazy. Eight years was a long time to wait, to put

this off. But his curiousity was killing him. So, what could he do? 

"I have to let it all go," Jamie whispered, "Fear, doubt and disbelief." (a/n: there's a little

Matrix for ya) Jamie picked up the Sprint Yellow Pages carefully and set it on his lap. But there

was still a little doubt creeping around. Some worry too. He picked up the phone and dialed Val.

It rang three times before the message clicked on: "Hi, you've reached the Connell's. We're unable to get to the phone but please leave a message and we'll get back to you soon."

Jamie sighed and waited for the beep.

BEEP.

"Val, it's Jamie. I need to know something about C-" The phone made an abrupt click and a voice came across the line.

"Jamie? Are ya still there?" Tyler asked.

Jamie rolled his eyes. Tyler sounded groggy. He'd probably been asleep."Yeah. Is Val there?"

"No. She works, remember. Unlike some people." Tyler smiled.

"Shut up. I work. Alot more than you I bet."

"You work for your grandfather's company. You couldn't earn that job on your own."

"Enough with the insults. I have a question. Maybe, by some miracle, you know the answer." Jamie

said. Tyler turned serious.

"Yeah?"

"Do you know if Caitie Roth stills live around here?"

"Around here, no. She's moved upstate. About fifty miles from here. I don't know her address. Val

might have it but her address book is a disaster." said Tyler.

"Oh okay. Well I can find out her address.." His voice trailed off.

"Jamie," Tyler, concerned, said, "Do you know what you're doing?"

"No." He said, almost smiling and hung up the phone.  
  


He returned his gaze back to the phone book. It looked intimidating. He was nervous. And had no

clue what he was doing. It wasn't too late to turn back, but he didn't want to. He had to know

if there was a way to make up for the lost eight years. Jamie also wanted to know why Caitie had

broken it off...on her graduation night.

Flipping back to the R's, Jamie skimmed the page. Risard, Roan, Rolem, Rose, Rota, and then there

it was C Roth. The address and phone number was printed next to it. Should I call? He asked himself.

No, I want to see her.  
  
  
  


Waterside Apartments was a nice little building. A small lake, which could be described as a large pond, was a few yards away from the back of the white complex with blue trim. Light spilled into a courtyard between the two seperate wings of Waterside Apartments. The place was two stories tall, with a open stairway leading to the exposed walkway of the second story. A catwalk connecting the two builings. Each door to each of the 20 apartments was visible and a screened in porch could be seen from the front sidewalk. Jamie scanned the place for a front office. There it was, looking like a garage with french doors. He needed to check in there for her apartment number and such. The phone book didn't give her exact address, which was strange. All it said was the address to the Waterside.

No apartment number or anything. With that kind of information, Jamie had been expecting a house.

Ignoring his second thoughts and taking a deep breath, Jamie shut the door of his Explorer and made his way across the asphalt to the sidewalk leading to the stairs or the walk to the lower apartments under the concete overhang of the top floor or to the little office right off the second builing labeled West Waterside. The other unit was named East Waterside.   
  


Jamie knocked lightly on the glass door. A crash was heard from inside and then footsteps. A fifty-ish looking women with salt and pepper hair and a round figure flung the door back. She looked a little surprised at the dark stranger in the slacks and shirt. Dotty had been figuring it was Mr. Patrillia unable to find his key. She had to use her key to let him in six times in the past month and each time his silver key had been found hidden underneath his car seat. Dotty smiled and held the door open a little wider and the stranger stepped through. He surveyed the little office, no bigger than a large walk in closet. His eyes swept over the desk near the back wall, covered in papers and a white computer. Two chairs were placed in front of it and potted plants were on either side of the front door. The overhead lighting was bright and welcoming. Cozy was Dotty's word the place.

The young man turned toward Dotty Benson's favorite wall, which was decorated with pictures of her family and children and friends. He studied the faces, as if looking for someone particular. It appeared he didn't see anyone he recognized.

Dotty flopped down into her leather desk chair and motioned to the seat in front of her desk. The young man sat and looked up at Dotty. Neither had spoken through the whole exchange. Dotty shifted and smiled.

"I'm Dotty Benson. My husband and I manage this place." Dotty introduced herself with a distinct Texas accent. 

"I'm Jamie Waite." Jamie stated. The name sounded so immature to him, but he just couldn't stomach James. 

"Well, Jamie," She said to the young man in his late twenties, "What can I do for you?" Jamie settled back in his overstuffed chair.

"I'm looking for an old friend of mine."

"Uh-huh. He lives here?" Dotty's curiosity was getting the best of her. Old friend? Hmm. Jamie let it slide without acknowledging the gender reference.

"Yes. I looked them up and it gave me this address but no apartment number." He explained. Dotty nodded.

"Some of the residents are very private." She said knowingly.

"I figured. I was hoping I would be able to visit."

"You need my permission or something?" Dotty asked, not at all uncomfortable with being herself. Jamie let a smile cross his lips before shaking his head. 

"No, like I said, the number wasn't listed."

"So what is his name?" Dotty asked, knowing it was the moment of truth. She'd find out just what this man was up to.

"Caitie Roth." Jamie said, pretending not to notice the smirk Ms. Benson donned. 

"Ahh. Caitie. A very nice girl." Dotty said. She made no move to give Jamie his information.

"Yes. It's been years." Jamie gave her a look.

"Oh oh yes. Um. Caitie's at East Waterside, 206. That's the second floor on the east side, if you didn't pick all that up. I'm guessing she's home from work about now. Go on up." Dotty rose, as did Jamie. She smiled.

"Old friend, eh? Or old girlfriend?" 

Jamie just smiled and stepped out the door. Dotty shook her head. Maybe that was the one Caitie talked about. The one that broke her heart.  
  


Jamie gripped the rail as he took the stairs two at a time. He was nervous. His heart threatened to jump out of his chest. He felt like a teenager. Jamie turned to look at the row of blue doors on his left. 201, 202, 203, 204, 205 and then 206. His palms were sweating. His breathing was coming in short little gasps. What was he so afraid of? It was no big deal. He was just stopping by at an old friends. He sighed. Jamie couldn't believe how dishonest he was--with himself. 

"Stop pretending." He whispered. "She broke your heart and you won't even admit it." In disgust, Jamie fought the flashback, but it still came to him, as clear as the night it happened.  
  


**_~Flashback~_**

There he had been standing, all dressed up in a suit, waiting at the stage door for Caitie, his

girlfriend. She had been running a little late. Val rushed past and smiled. Her and Jamie hugged,

then she disappeared through the door. Caitie came jogging down the hall. Her black gown was

billowing behind her and she was holding her cap in her hand. 

"Jamie!" She called. He grinned and slipped his arms around her waist. She smiled back and gave

him a light kiss. "Shouldn't you be inside?"

Jamie shook his head and reached in his pocket. Caitie craned her neck to see but he playfully turned

away. "What are you doing?" She asked. Caitie snuck a glance at her watch.

"I wanted to give you something." Jamie said. Caitie's eyes widened in surprised then...  
  


"Jamie." Caitie gasped. Jamie snapped his head up, still feeling the tiny velvet box in his hand.

Caitie was standing at the door, an expression on her face that was between amused and terrified.

Jamie took a step for the door. Caitie backed inside an inch. It was obvious she was scared too.

"Hi." He whispered.

Caitie shook her head. "What are you doing? Why are you here? You could've called. You could've

warned me that you were stopping by; the place is a mess---" She droned on and on about what a 

surprise it was. But Jamie wasn't hearing her. He was seeing her, watching her, looking at her

move and breath. It was a dream. Just like he had imagined it. But in a way it was different, Caitie

was different. Her hair was shorter, brushing lightly on her shoulders. Her make-up was lighter, her clothes

were more comfortable and relaxed. Blue jeans and a blue tank top was something he'd never

pictured her in. She looked beautiful. 

"So, why? Why are you here?" Caitie had finished saying.

"I wanted to see you. Eight years is a long time."

"I know." Caitie said softly, regret lining her voice and darkening her face. She suddenly brightened.

Smiling she said, "You look different. You've changed. You're hair. I've never seen it so short.

It's nice. And the outfit. I had trouble picturing you in anything but your black shirts and jeans."

Jamie nodded and smiled. So she had thought about him.

"What have you been doing? Dotty tells me you work alot." Jamie said, trying for light conversation.

Caitie nodded. "Yes I do. Alot more than I'd like. I'm working two jobs. I'm a clerk at the Department of Motor Vehicles 

and a bartender a few days a week. Not exactly the greatest job for me, but it pays the bills."

Caitie stopped to stare at Jamie. It was like her dream had always been. But better. Because now

it was coming true. She wrinkled her forehead at the thought. 'No it isn't. He came to visit as

friends. It's too late. You ruined everything.'

Jamie nodded, still trying to catch a glimpse of her ring finger. But it was behind her back. Jamie

forced a smile, a tight with tension smile, and answered.

"Oh that's good. So you never went on to college? That seemed pretty important at your graduation."

He said. He didn't mean to sound bitter but he did. Caitie's expression changed and she looked

like she was upset and ready to cry. She kept her eyes on the floor. "I've been working with my

grandfather's computer company. It's not me but my parents refused to let me to what I wanted. So

8 years later, I'm with the same job they made me go to, but with an executive position." Jamie stated. Caitie

nodded.

"Must be nice. Val told me about that, your job I mean. That's awesome. I'm proud. I'd never thought

you'd make it off your paper route from sixth grade." Caitie smiled sarcastically and Jamie fought

the impulse to grab her in his arms.

"I was always wondering about graduation night. What happened to--" Jamie was beginning to say. But

Caitie must have heard where that was going.

"We don't have to stand outside. It's a disaster in there but come on." She said quickly and 

disappear through the front door. Jamie followed into the dark. The blinds were shut and no lights

were on. Caitie picked her way through the foyer and motioned Jamie into the kitchen.

"Why is it so dark?" He asked, looking around.

"Shhh." Caitie smiled with a finger to her lips. Jamie shrugged and surveyed the kitchen. It was

the only bright enough room to really see. Pictures drawn by kids were on the cabinets and dishes

were in the sink, nice woodwork. Suddenly, Jamie's brain stopped. 'Pictures drawn by kids?' What

was wrong with that? Had Jamie's fears been confirmed? Had is only true love been lost, forever?  
  


Caitie followed his shock gaze to the cabinet where a picture of a primitive stick figure dinosaur

was taped up. She swallowed slowly.

"Devin drew that." She whispered. Jamie snapped his head away from it to stare at her now. He must

have looked confused. "Follow me." Caitie said softly and tip toed into the living room. She came

to a stop at a little hallway. A door was on the left and a door was on the right. First, Caitie

turned to the right. She opened the door very slowly, checked to make sure Jamie hadn't bolted,

and stepped in. The room was lit only by a little nightlight but Jamie could make out the figure

of a dark haired little boy in a race car bed. He gulped. His throat was getting tight. It was

his worst nightmare.

Caitie seemed to be oblivious to her friend gasping and fighting for control of himself. She turned

on her heels and pulled Jamie towards the next door. Opening it, Jamie could see a white crib. He

stepped up to it and peered in. A beautiful, plump black haired baby was laying on pale yellow

sheets. A baby and a little boy. It was too much. He sank onto the nearest horizontal surface. It

took a moment before he realized it was a queen sized bed. So this was Caitie and her husband's 

room too. Caitie motioned for him to follow her out.

They arrived back in the living room and sat down. Caitie took the couch and Jamie made himself

as comfortable as possible, considering the situation, in a recliner.

"You could have told me you're married." He said simply.

"I'm not." Caitie said. She looked like she'd rather be anywhere but on that leather sofa across

from Jamie Waite.

"What?"

"I'm not married. I never was married." Caitie answered and ray of hope burst through Jamie's

heart. Those weren't her kids. They were someone elses.

"So whose kids are those?" He asked excitedly. Jamie winced at his eager voice and leaned back, trying

to appear calm.

"Mine. Devin is the little boy. He's three. And Lydia is the baby. She's 13 months."

"Wait a minute. If you aren't married, how do you have kids?" Jamie challenged. Caitie laughed

and gave him a look.

"I had kids the same way anyone does. I just wasn't married." She said. Jamie nodded. He sighed.

"Who is he? They have the same father?" He sank back forlornly into the recliner. His dream was

collapsing in on itself. He'd worked out hundred's off scenarios and this one hadn't

even crossed his mind. If only she would have had a terminal illness. Then he would know what

to say.

"Yes, it's the same guy. His name was Austin. I met him a year after I graduated. If you must know,

I liked him because he reminded me of you. The way he talked. The way he walked. His sense of

humor. It was all a reminder of you. Which made things painful, but I still was able to fall in

love, at least so I thought. So after dating for a year, I moved in with him. Everything was going

good for a while there. About three years of goodness, until I get pregnant with Devin. Austin

made it pretty clear he wanted me to have an abortion. I said no way. He got angry and left for

a few weeks. But he came crawling back. I had the baby and he promised me we'd get married soon.

Well, a year passed, then two, and then surprise surprise, I still wasn't married but was having

another blessing, a little girl. Austin blew his top. He had a temper that definately wasn't a

reminder of you. He threatened me and hit me and said he'd kill me if I didn't get the abortion.

I said no. And he left again. Austin tried to come back and apologize. I wouldn't let him come

near me or Devin. After a month or so, he gave up and left and last I heard, he has a new girlfriend

that he lives with in California." Caitie leaned back and returned Jamie's stare. After a moment

to gather himself, he contributed to the conversation.

"He reminded you of me?"

Caitie smiled. "Big time. Dark, spiky hair. Dark eyes. He made the same faces, had the same

bone structure as you. He was a little more built but I didn't care. I guess I was looking for you."

She sighed. Jamie raised an eyebrow.

"You knew where to find me."

"No I didn't. Well I did. But it was too late. I could go back. It was over between us."

"Yeah and it was your fault!" Jamie exclaimed, then quickly regretted it. "I didn't mean that."

Caitie shook her head, her black hair shaking wildly. "I deserved that. It was my fault. And you

think I didn't know that? I lived with it everyday. And I wondered what could have been and what

would have been. But I didn't have the guts. I never expected to see again. You showing up here

was a big surprise to me. I asked Val about you but she never really knew what was going on with

you or where you were. All she could say was you traveled." Caitie shrugged.

Jamie let the statement sit for a minute, pondering what had been said. Struggling to make conversation

he asked, "So what ever happened to college?"

"I couldn't go. I never got the scholorship. So I didn't have enough money and..." Caitie let

her voice trail off.

"Wait! Wait! I was told that you had gotten the scholorship for that school in New York. That art school."

"I thought I did. I thought I would have. I thought maybe it was late in the mail." Caitie chuckled

at that, "But it wasn't. So when you gave me that ring. I didn't know what else to say. I was

scared. I..."

Jamie stood and raised his voice. "You didn't think I was scared?! I was terrified. I had rehearsed

what I was going to say for weeks. And then finally, I ask. But what is my answer? You turn and

run. Left me standing there with the ring and I never heard from you again. It was Val who told me

about the whole college excuse." Caite stared, tears brimming her eyes. She reached out and took

Jamie's hand. Gently she pulled him into his seat.

"I know. I knew. And I wanted to marry you. I wanted to say yes. But I couldn't. I knew what

happened to everyone else who got married too early."

"We weren't everyone else. Why didn't you tell me then you thought all this?"

"It was instinct Jamie. I couldn't stand around and talk about it." Caitie's back straightened. "But

it's over. So let bygones be bygones." (a/n: again i wonder if that is supposed to be spelt different.)

Jamie was about to shake his head when a piercing cry of a baby washed over the house. Caitie 

walked to the bedroom and came back with Lydia. The baby looked at Jamie for a minute. He smiled.

She was awfully cute. Lydia looked just like her mother. 

Caitie set Lydia on the floor and looked up at Jamie. Her face showed hurt and regret. Jamie looked

away. Caitie stared for a minute. What did he want from her? She had to know.

"What do you want me to say Jamie? That I'm sorry? I am sorry. That I made the biggest mistake of

my life? Okay, one of the biggest mistakes I ever made was letting you go. That I wish I could

go back and do things different? Of course I do! I'm 26 years old and a single mother with two

kids out of wedlock! I regret it Jamie. I really do. I don't know how else to make you feel better."

Caitie offered and sighed. She scooped Lydia back up and bounced her on her knee.

"I know. I understand. It's just..."

"You wish it wasn't like this? So do I." Caitie mumbled. Devin appeared in the living room, eyeing

Jamie suspiciously.

"Mommy, "He whispered, "Who's that?" Devin ran to his mother and pulled himself up on the couch

next to her. 

"This is my friend Mr. James Waite. We went to school together." She answered, smiling. Jamie

shook Devin's hand politely.

"Nice to meet you, Devin."

Devin buried his head in Caitie's chest. Caitie shrugged. Devin didn't like strangers too much.

"So who's last name did they take?" Jamie asked, leaning forward. Devin handed him a fake rubber

bug. Jamie took it and set it next to him on the recliner.

"Mine of course. I'm raising them. Austin's never around so they don't need any reminders of him."

"I see." Jamie said, not knowing how else to answer.

"So here we have Lydia Nicolette Roth." She said holding up the baby. "And," Caitie said, blushing

a little, "Devin Jamie Roth."

"Devin Jamie?" Jamie asked, surprised and pleased.

"Uh-huh. I thought 'Hey, it's only right'."

"Why?"

"What do you mean 'Why'? I wanted to pay tribute to my best friend." Caitie answered. Jamie smiled.

A thought passed through his mind. 'Best friend? Isn't that leaving something out?'  
  


"Do you want to go out to dinner tonight?" Jamie asked Caitie, who was flying around in a black

and white blur, getting ready to go to work.

"I have to work till midnight, but if you want you can come pick me up at work. Then we can go

where ever." Caitie said, then seemed to think for a minute. She bit her bottom lip. "No wait. I

promised Tony I'd work double shifts. How about tomorrow night? I don't have to work double shifts

tomorrow night. And you could watch the kids. I can tell the love you." She smiled and motioned

to Devin, who was clinging to Jamie's knee. He seemed to have gotten over his shyness. Lydia, who

was resting comfortably in his arms and pulling at his lip.

"Okay sure. Tomorrow." He sounded disappointed. Caitie smiled. 

"All right. Have fun! Lydia goes to bed at 7:30 and Devin goes to bed at 8:30, right?" Devin shook

his head. Caitie sighed and shrugged. "Oh and they need baths. But Devin should be okay, just run

the water for him in the tub. Lydia likes the sink so that should work. And if you want to crash

here tonight go ahead. The couch is all yours." Caitie planted a kiss on each kid and was out the

door.  
  


*Later*   
  


Jamie clenched his fists and forced a cheerful voice. "Devin, we aren't playing hide and seek anymore.

It's time for a bath. Lydia, no don't touch that." Jamie heard Devin giggle gleefully as Lydia

toddled over to the T.V. She pulled out a video tape and began banging it on the floor. Jamie

ran a hand through his now short spikes. It was too much.

"Okay Devin! Come on out. Come find me." Jamie ducked behind the couch, making sure half of his body

could be seen. Devin ran and tag him, letting out a triumphant scream. Jamie grabbed him and with

a lot of force and maneuvering, got Devin into the tub. "Here just 

wash yourself off and pull the plug when you're done. Call me before you get out, okay?"

Devin nodded. "Okay." Jamie ran to grab Lydia, who was still hammering with the tape. She was

much easier to get into the kitchen sink. She glared at Jamie as he scrubbed her off. Lydia made

the same faces as Caitie.

"You look just like your mommy!" He said along with the usual coochie coos. He was just putting

Lydia into her pajamas when he heard little footsteps running behind him. Jamie turned in time to

see the soaking wet behind of Devin and the drips and footprints in the green carpet.

"Devin!" He shouted. After a half hour of yelling and wrestling and coaxing, Dvin was sleeping

in his bed and Lydia was in her crib.

Jamie collapsed onto the sofa and was out before his head his the pillow.  
  


Caitie was at the bar in the popular restaurant, Briginds. Karissa, Caitie's friend, smiled

and studied her friend.

"What do you look so happy about?" Karissa asked as she wiped down the bar. It was closing time

and not a moment too soon. Karissa's feet hurt, she had a killer headache, and was tired enough

to sleep for a year. Caitie turned to her short, blonde friend.

"Guess who's here?"

"Jamie?" Karissa gasped. Jamie was common knowledge around the resturant. Everyone knew about him,

the one who got away. As the story was retold and retold it got different, but people knew the

main plot. Sometimes Jamie was dismissed as legend, as wishful thinking, as the embodiment of the

perfect guy. It was the first time Karissa had heard of him actually being around.

"Yep." Caitie said, not bothering to fight back the grin spreading from ear to ear. 

"Wow. That's incredible. Why is he here?"

Caitie shrugged. "He just showed up at my front door today. Total shock. Now he's watching Devin

and Lydia and staying with me for a few. We're going out tomorrow night. Well tonight actually."

She motioned to her watch, which read four o'clock in the morning. Karissa clapped her hands.

"You're so lucky. I wish I could find that perfect guy."

"It's like a second chance or something. A dream come true." Caitie murmured dreamily. 

"But come on Caitie. You make it sound like it was his fault you broke up and never heard from

each other."

"It was! He could have still been my boyfriend and we could have pretended he never purposed. I

wrote him letters. He never wrote back, though. I wonder why." Caitie snapped out of her trance.

"It doesn't matter why. The point is he's here and maybe we could start over. Who knows. I just

wonder if he's ready. Or if I'm ready. I am in theory but it's happening for real now. Can I really

pick up where we left off?" Karissa lay her hand on Caitie's shoulder.

"Calm down. You'll be fine. Just stop thinking. Don't think, just let it happen naturally. Stop

planning. Go with the flow." Karissa wisely advised. Caitie nodded dumbly and went to count the

cash register. But she wondered how smart it was to take advice from her 25 year old friend who

was single and didn't really have any serious boyfriends in her past. 

Cory, their 30 year old manager, stuck his head in from the dining room. "What's all the noise?"

"Guess who's here!" Karissa cried.

"Jamie?!" Cory asked in disbelief.

"Uh-huh. Showed up at Caitie's this afternoon. As we speak he's sleeping on her couch, watching

the kids." Karissa said. Cory shook his head.

"Wow. I can't believe it. What took him so long?" Caitie only laughed and grabbed her purse.

"I don't know. I'm gonna go home and find out." Caitie fought the urge to skip as she went to the

car and eagerly drove home.

  
  


_*****Hi everyone! It's me, S.A. that seems to be my nickname or something. I know Strawberry Angel is long to type so I don't blame you. Well anyways, I'm well aware that this ends a little abruptly but I'll continue it soon. As soon as I can. I just wanted to break it up a little. Because it's very long. 12 pages with this font! 12 PAGES!! I couldn't believe it. I wonder how many words. Well please review and I'd like to thank Arcadia for reading it before I posted so I'd know it was post worthy. Okay thanks a bunch. Love ya guys!*****_


	2. Chapter 2

Hi everyone. I really wanted to work on this and hopefully finish before I'd did anything else. Which means I'll probably do something with Real World 3. And I'm already writing a new Real World-ish story. It won't be a Real World but I'll write something in the summary to let you know. It's a nice idea I guess. Well anyways, I don't own In A Heartbeat or any of the characters. Alright here goes.  
  
  
  


Lost Love  


Soul Mate  
  
  
  


The door clicked open, swinging aside to display the domestic scene. Jamie was sleeping on the couch, snoring ever so softly. The house was a wreck to say the least. Toys were covering every inch of the floor and the furniture was buried under soaking wet towels and about five pairs of pajamas per child. Caitie sighed. So maybe she wouldn't get to bed right away. Somehow, it was difficult to feel angry when she had been waiting for this moment for eight years. She made her way around the living room and picked up the disaster little by little. Caitie sank down into the recliner, lifting up her feet and pulling the lever for the footrest. Her eyes fell on Jamie. His eyes were closed and his mouth was slightly open. He looked peaceful and relaxed. Caitie felt her feet pick them selves up and move toward the couch. _What are you doing? _She thought. _Don't you dare walk over there. I'm warning you, Caitie. This is not funny. Why are leaning over? What? Don't do it. Don't even think about. No stop! _But it was too late. Her lips connected with his forehead. It was like kissing an iron. Caitie ripped back. Her face was heating up and color was rushing toward her face. Racked with humiliation, Caitie stumbled backward to her bedroom. 

She glared at her reflection in the mirror. Caitie raked through her ebony hair with trembling fingers. Blinking a couple times to clear her mind, she returned her gaze at the young women standing before her. 

"What was that?" She whispered fiercely. Caitie shook her head and sighed. "You've kissed him before. Remember high school? You did a lot more than kiss." Caitie flung a hand over her mouth and fell back on her bed. What was wrong with her? Was she back in fifth grade where you avoided your crush at all costs? It wasn't like Jamie was a stranger. He was far from a stranger. He was her...soul mate...? It seemed to fit. From the moment she met Jamie back in sixth grade, she was drawn to him. It wasn't till seventh that she knew they had something special. And it wasn't till high school that she knew that she and Jamie were meant for each other. Now look. So much for dreams. It was obvious they weren't coming true. He probably had a girlfriend. She hadn't really asked him. Hmm. Jamie had a girlfriend! He was avoiding the question! He didn't want to break her heart! That jerk! So Caitie fell asleep angry and wondering how she could have been so stupid.   
  


Jamie stirred and tried to roll onto his back. But instead, he fell to the carpet and let out a little groan. Devin appeared beside Jamie, grinning.

"You're up!" He cried gleefully. Jamie only mumbled a response before disappearing into the bathroom. Devin shrugged and toddled into the kitchen. Caitie smiled as she bounced Lydia on her hip. The dark eyed baby giggled at the sight of Jamie. He looked incredibly tired. Caitie let a small smirk fall on her face for a moment. Jamie caught it.

"Something funny?" He hissed in mock anger.

"Not really. Just wondering if you got the licence plate number for the dump truck that hit you. You look...tired." Caitie handed him a pop tart and sent Devin to get dressed.

"Your kids don't like to sleep." Jamie stated. "They didn't settled down till midnight and even then they were hyper. I didn't get to sleep till three something."

Caitie's heart stopped. Had he been awake when she embarrassed herself? No. He would have said something, wouldn't he? Maybe not.

"Oh really. Sorry, they usually behave themselves." Caitie eyed Jamie carefully. He stared back. She broke away from his deep dark eyes and tried to look busy.

"I had the weirdest dream." He said, smiling.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I had a dream that you came home from somewhere and were hovering over me. Then you kissed me." Jamie was grinning madly and Caitie couldn't really read into it. She put on her best surprised face.

"Imagine that."   
  
  
  


"Rosa, do you have any idea how complicated my life just got?" Caitie said. Rosa raised an eyebrow. The younger girl was smiling despite what she just said. Rosa shrugged.

"Besides having two little kids and no husband with rent and electric bills, I can't imagine." Rosa said sarcastically. Caitie shook her head.

"Jamie's here!" That stopped Rosa's tapping on the keyboard. She stared at Caitie for a moment. Then she wiggled her eyebrows up and down. Caitie laughed.

"Well well well. This is a shock. What's he doin' here?"

"I have no idea. He came knocking on my door yesterday and he's staying at house. I dropped the kids off at daycare today and he was still at my apartment. We're going out to dinner after I get off work."

"You have all the luck with men!" Rosa complained.

"Rosa! You've been married for ten years!"

"Don't remind me." 

Caitie smiled in amazement. If her and Jamie were married then everything would be perfect. If only.

"Rosa?"

"Huh?" Rosa grunted. She brushed back her slick jet black hair. Rosa had always been considered beautiful and stunning, even in her 33 years of age. Being Italian had its perks she had said. Rosa had olive skin, oval shaped eyes and a gorgeous complection. Maybe if she had been more careful about how she looked she wouldn't have had to marry Tony.

"Do you believe in soul mates?"

"Whadda mean 'soul mates'? Like one person being meant for ya no matter what?"

"Yes."

"I guess so. I wonder where my soul mate is." Rosa mumbled.

Caitie sighed. "Like say you knew from the beginning that someone was meant for you and you were always going to be together. If something got in the way, is it still possible?" 

"I suppose. If it's fate than nothing can change it."

"You believe in fate too?"

"Yeah. If I didn't, I wouldn't a married Tony. I figured I was stuck with him forever so might as well."

"So is it fate that Jamie is back with me?"

"Maybe. Either that or incredibly annoying luck."

"Rosa! I always thought Jamie and I were soul mates. I just..."

"Just..?"

"Never mind."

"Caitie, you never told me why you and Jamie didn't wind up together."

"It's not something I like to talk about." Caitie replied and stared at her computer screen like it held the mystery of the universe. She should be getting back to work anyway, not just because the conversation was turning where she didn't want it to go.

"And that means what to me?"

"It's a sad story of stupidity and regret.."

"The story of my life?" Rosa smirked.

"No worse." Caitie's voice was dripping with hurt.

"This I've gotta hear."

"I told everyone me and Jamie just casually broke it off, that we weren't ever even that serious. Well, I lied to everyone. Jamie and I were so serious, it was scary. It scared my parents, even though they didn't know _half _of what was going on. Jamie and I would disappear over the weekends. Some nights I wanted to be with him so bad I'd sneak out and come back in the morning. I'd go to his apartment, he was living on his own at the time. I think his dad kicked him out or something. I forget. Anyway, I'd spend the night there. I thought I was in love. I was in love. Um, that was junior year. That still went on for my senior year but Jamie had dropped out of school. He and I were the same age but he'd been held back in elementary school so he was always trying to catch up so we could be together. It go to be too much so he left. To make a long story a little bit shorter, I was graduating. It was my graduation night in fact. I was running late. Jamie was waiting for me. He gave me a ring and asked me to marry him-"Caitie was gnawing at her bottom lip by this time-"I didn't answer. I ran. I ran clear out of that building and had them send me my diploma. Then I moved. I thought I was going to go to an arts school but I didn't get in. So I moved as far away as I could. I regretted my decision for the rest of my life. Or eight years. Even while I was with Austin I was still in love with Jamie. I've always tried to figure out why I ran but I seriously still have no clue."

Rosa nodded sadly. It was a love story meant for a TV soap opera. Caitie blinked back a tear and turned toward her computer.

"I'm sorry.." Rosa whispered. "I shouldn't have asked." 

Caitie tried to look cheerful. In a chocked voice she replied, "Don't be. It's my fault. I shouldn't let it bother me. The past is past. Sure, we aren't in love anymore but it's okay."

"You can honestly tell me you don't love Jamie?" Rosa was incredulous.

Caitie paused for a moment. "No, I guess not."  
  


Jamie looked around the apartment. Caitie was supposed to be coming back from work soon. She was going to pick the kids up from daycare before dropping them off at her sister's to spend the night. Caitie said she didn't know how late they'd be so she didn't want to keep a sitter. 

Boy, had Caitie changed. Her life was all together and organized. Then there was Jamie, with a job he hated, a life that was pointless and still madly in love with the girl who had turned him down. What a sad existence. 

"You lost her, pal. She's long gone. She's got kids and responsibilities. She doesn't want to come back to you." Jamie informed the man looking at him from the mirror. He slammed his fist down on the counter in frustration just as the door opened. Caitie had a worried expression.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Jamie straightened. "I'll get ready to go."

"Okay me too."

Jamie stepped down the hall with Caitie behind him, both wallowing in self pity and defeat. It was maddening. Caitie looked at Jamie's back as he shut the door behind him. A single tear rolled over her cheek and fell to the carpet. She'd lost him. He was gone forever and there was no way to fix it. This wasn't a movie or a fairytale. This was real life and you couldn't always get what you want.

*****_This one wasn't nearly as long. The next chapter will be coming soon. When, I have no idea! HEHE. Well review and tell me what you think but be gentle.*****_  
  



	3. Chapter 3

Hi folks! The site is still down so I'm still writing. I've got a lot to post! Yikes! Well I'd like to own IaHB but i don't. So my loss. Lol. Please review!  
  
  
  
  
  


Lost Love  
  


Chapter 3  
  


Don't Make the Same Mistake  
  
  
  
  
  


"I'll have the chicken caesar salad, please." Caitie handed the waiter her menu and set her gaze on Jamie.

"Well I see your tastes have refined." The candle light reflected in his dark eyes, adding a shimmering that made them even more captivating.

"From hamburgers and cheap expressos? I guess so." 

"So...." Jamie stumbled for a conversation. Caitie had something on her mind. She wondered. Why had Jamie never written her back? Had he been so angry that he severed all ties. She had been devastated when he never wrote back. That's when she finally gave up and went to Austin. But she had to know.

"Why didn't you write me back?" Jamie's head snapped up from the wine menu.

"What?"

"You never wrote me back. I wrote you a least a dozen letters and you never wrote back. I kind of wondered what happened."

"I never got any letters." Jamie's expression was earnest. He wanted Caitie to believe him. He'd never gotten one letter. He wanted to wipe that suspicious look of her face. 

"No. I sent you letters, explaining what I'd been thinking and feeling. I sent them to your apartment and-."

Jamie cut her off. "My apartment? Right after you graduated I went back to living with my parents. That's why I never got them. I wish I had."

Tears were flooding her eyes. "I wish you had too. Then things wouldn't be this way. But I guess...Well it's too late now." She tried to smile.

"So what were you feeling?"

"Huh?"

"The letters said what you were feeling and thinking. So what were you thinking?"

"I was scared. I told you that. I wanted to be with you so much that I wanted it to work. I didn't think you'd never speak to me again."

"I tried to.." Jamie said, his voice a little loud. He took a deep breath and quieted his tone. "I tried to but every time I called your house, your parents said you didn't want to talk to me."

"They didn't!" Caitie cried. Then her face flushed pink. "Well they'd found out about my sneaking out at night to go see you." Caitie stared in amazement. Jamie was blushing a little too.

"Oh." Was all he could say.

"I guess there isn't any point in dwelling in the past, right?" She said as soon as the waiter had walked away after delivering their dinner.

"No." Jamie stared at his food. He was nervous. This could be another big mistake. But it was a chance he was willing to take.

"So how is working for your family's business?" Caitie was desperate for conversation.

"It's all right. I'd rather be doing something different with my life but a high school drop out doesn't have many job offers."

"I guess not. But hey, look at me! I stuck it out and I'm a bar tender and a receptionist. And here you are with a big software company."

"It's not worth it when it isn't something you enjoy."

"And you think I enjoy serving people booze and answering phones?"

"Doesn't sound like it."

And Caitie laughed.

Both returned their attention back to the food. Caitie looked up.

"So what do you think of my kids?"

"Their great! I never knew little kids could actually be fun. I thought they were crying, whining diaper machines until age five." Caitie laughed again and shook her head.

"Kids will change your perspective on just about everything."

"I can only imagine. It must be tough being a single parent. Does what's-his-face pay child support?"

Caitie snorted. "Ha. Hardly. Austin is too busy buying mansions and jet skis. So obviously there just isn't enough to go around."

"That's a shame. He doesn't even want to be involved in their lives?" Jamie couldn't believe anyone couldn't love Devin and Lydia. Caitie solemnly shook her head.

"No. But they really do need a father." It was hard to think her children were doing without.

"Let me know when you start taking applications." Jamie said softly, so softly Caitie strained to hear him. Her heart skipped a beat. Exactly what was he saying? She was about to ask but he looked like he was going to start speaking again. Jamie opened his mouth, paused, and closed it. 

"Here's the check." The waiter dropped off the small burgundy holder and walked away.

"Do you need some cash?" Caitie dug around for her wallet. Jamie set his hand on her arm.

"No. I got it."

Caitie smiled. "Thanks."

The two left the restaurant and walked toward the car. Caitie turned abruptly, her eyes sparkling.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" She asked. Jamie nodded. A walk. Perfect.

In peacefully silence, the two headed across the street into the overgrown, somewhat wild park that was in desperate need of a make over. The couple stepped down a wooded path with the stars open and bright above them , an awe-inspiring canopy that made them feel small. And despite the fact that they were walking side by side, only a foot apart, they felt connected. 

"Caitie, I knew we were going to be together since day one."

"Like soul mates." She smiled. Her thoughts exactly. Caitie looked ahead to a little clearing that was coming up. Her favorite fountain was in it. Two little fairies held a giant flower that spouted water down into a huge basin. It was beautiful at night.

"Yes something like that. I still believe it too." Where was he going with this? Jamie reached inside his pocket for the soft velvet box, the one that had been waiting since graduation night.

"So do I." Caitie answered. Jamie stopped in the clearing. Caitie looked up into those mysterious eyes, trying to read what he was thinking.

"Honestly?"

"Of course." She whispered. And Jamie bent down and their lips connected. It was like fireworks. She'd been waiting so long, longing to be in his arms again, to taste him again. And now she was. As the kiss deepened, Caitie knew she had to stop. Before she got carried away and hurt herself. 

She backed away. "I better not." Jamie nodded. It was now or never.

"What would you say if I asked you to marry me?"

Caitie stared. Her heart did a somersault and she found her self gasping for air. She opened her mouth to reply, closed it and tried again. She started at the velvet box, mesmerized by it.

Softly, she answered. "I'd say I'd have to be crazy to make the same mistake twice."  


**The end! So what do you think? I think you all can figure what Jamie is doing..and if you can't that's scary. Ehhhehehe.**


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